Thank you for your interest in Gunslinger Capital Management, LLC. We seek to provide dynamic synergy to our clients by leveraging our unique insights into first-class financial services. Our talent pool consists of some of the most outstanding people in the world. We were impressed with your application and would like to discuss the position further, and have reserved an interview for you this coming Thursday at 4:30 in room 356 at Huntsman Hall. Good luck!
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- Hey, I'm Nils from Gunslinger Capital Management, nice to meet you. So why do you want to work at GCM?
As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a Gunslinger. (Nervous laughter) No, really. I believe that it provides the kind of dynamic, fascinating, engaging, stimulating, phenomenal, platitude, challenging, inspiring workplace at which I could really thrive. I have been interested in gunslinging markets for over three years now, and I'm actually concentrating in gunslinging with a minor in ignoring risk management.
- Walk me through your resume.
Sure. I spent the past summer working at a local asset management firm. Granted, the work was not particularly glamorous, but I have used words like "analyzed" and "examined" on my resume in order to make data-entry and envelope stuffing seem impressive.
- Wow, didn't expect you to denigrate your own work experience. Definitely did not see it coming – maybe you do have what it takes to be a gunslinger.
Thanks. To continue, the summer before that I worked as an ice cream truck driver. My key insight was to never slow down – this way, it would be a test of wills to see "who wanted it more." I've also worked as a secretary at a small firm in my hometown.
- A secretary?
I mean, administrative assistant. Without my key insights of teaching older employees how to text using T9 mode and fixing various printer jams, the day to day operations of the firm would have undoubtedly suffered, perhaps threatening the very stability of the entire global economy.
- Do you have any relevant leadership experience?
I am the founder of the Gunslinger Microfinance Association, which raises funds to give third world entrepreneurs with terrible business plans seed money for their ideas on the off chance that they take off. Just last year, we raised $50,000 for Robert Ganoush, a Turkish founder of a company that makes ironic medication. I'm also VP of Corporate Sponsorship of the Wharton Resume Awareness Society, whose primary purpose is to generate enough job titles to make everyone feel important. For example, my friend is Co-Treasurer of Community Outreach and our current President is the former Executive Compliance Provost. I also have some irrelevant leadership experience, as my friends frequently look to me to decide where to go for brunch and I once coached my Cowboys franchise in "Madden" to a 19-0 season. - Sounds impressive. Just a few quick questions about the economy and financial markets so we can better gauge if you would be a fit at our firm. How would you go about generating stable, long-term returns in a responsible manner for our clients?
36 red. - You're hired.
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