Driving along Route 22 in New Jersey is kind of like driving through a pop-up ad from a shady website. I think there's even a store named about:blank. Sadly, instead of Orbitz challenging me to sink putts for low fares, there's an endless display of garishly decorated storefronts competing for the attention of the denizens of central Jersey. One such location is The Sports Authority, which underwent a rapid image transformation since it changed its name from The Sports Authoritarian in the early '90s (they used to sell mostly tennis rackets, rigged elections, and nepotism).
When I walked inside, the first thing that hit me was the smell. As with all department stores, Sports Authority smells like shoe polish, but pointier if that makes sense. It's not so much of a smell as something you can feel, to the extent that my nose and bronchial tubes hurt for the first few breaths I took.
I decided to take up running as a hobby some time ago. My budget for new sneakers was limited to $40 and, fortunately, Sports Authority had a pair of Nikes for exactly $40. I went through the ancient ritual of shoe purchasers since time immemorial.
First, I sat down on the shoe-tying bench, opened the box, and removed the wax paper that supported the toes of the shoe. I proceeded to carefully weave the laces and slip one on, then looked at my dad and told him that they "felt good" in an attempt to expedite an agreement to purchase the shoes. Obviously, it failed. As per the ritual, my dad then insisted that I try both on and walk around a little bit. I did a half-assed job of lacing up shoe #2 and walking up and down the aisle with my eyes flitting among the angled mirrors that are affixed to the shoe-tying benches in the sneaker section. Finally, I concluded the ritual by nodding somberly and confirming my initial diagnosis: the shoes "felt good" and were fit for a purchase. The dance was complete and consensus was built.
The hidden upside to buying the shoes is that it incentivized running; after all, the only way to use my new toys was to hop onto a treadmill several times per week. My friend, who I named Gunslinger of the Year a few months ago, had far more running experience than I did and I asked him to help me shape a regimen. Gunslinging and planning do not mix and most of his advice involved Hydroxycut. I plowed ahead anyway and began hitting the campus gym regularly.
When intramural basketball season began, I ditched running in favor of doing my world-class Royal Ivey impression. Between the practices to regain what little skill I had and the games themselves, running took a backseat to basketball. When the season ended last week, I decided it was time to make a dramatic return to the treadmill and started up my routine again. As of today, there are sixty days until the Broad Street Run, a 10-mile race through Philadelphia. I am slow and most of my athletic accomplishments, in hindsight, are either exaggerations or outright lies that are complicated enough that they sound real. For example, there was the time we ran a halfback trap and I was the pulling left tackle, and it gained seven crucial yards on 2nd and 8 while we were nursing a nine point lead in the fourth quarter of the Inter-County Police Athletic League Championship Game back in 3rd grade. Still, sixty days to get in shape and finish the Broad Street Run is the goal.
A few quick notes before the (hopefully) daily entries begin: I have already been running or playing basketball consistently so I'm not completely out of shape. I started off barely able to finish 2.5 miles in January and have improved considerably, so this is not quite a zero-to-hero story (unlike Disney's Hercules). I run at 6.5 miles per hour – admittedly not very fast – but it's the best rate I can manage while running for distance. Finally, I began running seriously again yesterday, so today's entry will be a combination of thoughts from both today and yesterday.
With that, the Quest begins. Hopefully, the decision to write about my mission to finish the Broad Street Run tethers my dual goals of returning to Fundamentally Soundd with both barrels blazing and finishing a big race while leveraging the synergistic capabilities inherent in embarking on a new quest and concurrently minimizing negative externalities. And yes, I have an exam in Management class tomorrow.
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