Claims Ex-NFLer "Ideal fit for wildcat formation"
Washington, D.C. (AP) - In a move that left most analysts surprised and could drastically alter the debate for healthcare reform, President Obama would not rule out the possibility of enlisting former Atlanta Falcons star quarterback Michael Vick to run a new government healthcare plan.
After weeks of debate on a so-called “public option”, Obama has instead decided to implement the “public wildcat”, employing up to four running backs at once to ensure greater access to medical care for the nation’s fifty million uninsured. “Well, look.” added the president.
Former Kansas governor Kathleen Sebelius, once thought to be the future of the administration’s plans at Secretary of Health and Human Services, took the news with grace. “We just gotta [sic] go out there and execute. Just trying to get better as a team – that’s what this is all about.”
PETA immediately protested the move by Mr. Obama, claiming that Mr. Vick’s past transgressions outweigh his breathtaking open-field speed and ability to hold down prescription drug costs. Pita, however, supported the move, stating, “We always believed gyros were an integral part of any reform, and we’re happy to see the president agrees with us.”
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