Melting

Old Calvin and Hobbes strips occasionally depicted the blond protagonist on a boring day. He would create an elaborate fantasy for himself involving dinosaurs or aliens, and emerge in the final panel in the real world chewing on a table or some similar example of youthful escapism. Hobbes might add some philosophical thoughts, and Calvin’s flame Susie Jenkins, a noted pinko, might throw in some bromides about “life on the commune”. Anyway, the point is, Calvin had the imagination to survive the dog days of summer.

I, however, do not. After watching the same episode of SportsCenter four times in a row, I realized I had filled my quota of John Buccigross for the day. As a side note, I’m not a big fan of the quota system for John Buccigross, as I believe in a meritocracy, though I respect the Supreme Court’s decision in Grutter v. Buccigross stating that Buccigross can be one of, though not the determining, factor taken into consideration when watching daytime TV. Then I flipped over to Top 10 Punters in NFL History on the NFL Network. Can’t believe it was Tom Tupa over Sean Landeta!

Frequently, during these slow August days when my mind seems like it's melting, I come up with ways for me to improve myself. Usually, this means doing three situps, learning the first two chords of “Thunder Road”, and then taking a nap. Sometimes I try to figure out what the inside of my nose smells like.

On slow enough days, I’ll flick over to CSPAN. Thanks to Verizon FiOS, my television package not only includes CSPAN, but CSPAN2, CSPANNEWS, and CSPANClassic. CSPANClassic was showing a rerun of the ’96 welfare reform and the subsequent signing ceremony, in which a young gunslinger named Bill “Willy the Kid” Clinton led an historic comeback. I was struck not only by how much fun he was having out there, but by how he was playing just like he used to as a little kid engineering upward social mobility in his backyard.

The boredom was broken up by Pedro Martinez, making his Phillies debut. Pitching on a mere 300 days rest, there were many questions to be answered. I can see why so many in my generation are disillusioned by the level of vitriol and rancor in today’s world of upgrading starting pitching late in the year. The rank hypocrisy of some who were so quick to condemn Robert Bork yet embrace Pedro Martinez –Bork was pitching in the mid 90s for the IronPigs – is appalling. Apalling!