The Gunslinger

The allegations against Brett Favre aren't pretty. Favre's supposed actions are gross, but I have to say I'm a little impressed that he knows how to text pictures to people. I can imagine Favre's train of thought: "ok…share picture…as email? No, I'll just MMS her…chicks dig MMS…". Too bad the women in question didn't have iPhones, because from what I understand Favre actually send the lewd images in the form of an elaborate Flash video as a meta-comment on Apple's unseemly refusal to carry the popular multimedia platform.

The main reason the Favre story is so interesting is the bind in which the NFL finds itself. I thought Peyton Manning was the face of the NFL, but a June 2010 poll by Harris Interactive showed that Brett Favre is actually America's favorite football player. Favre's misconduct, if true, is disgusting. But will the NFL have the stones to suspend its sacred cow?

The second reason the Favre scandal is so interesting is because every NFL pundit in the country was just told that Santa Claus doesn't exist. Favre has been the media's favorite player for a long time, and every Favre apologist now has egg all over his face. I imagine the media will react as follows:

Mark Schlereth: "(lowers voice) guys, if I'm heading into a fight in a dark alley...(raises voice) I STILL TAKE BRETT FAVRE, because MOST fights...99.9% OF THE TIME…require someone to take pictures of his [expletive]."

Jon Gruden: "If I'm Brad Childress…I find a way to GET. THIS. GUY. INVOLVED. THIS GUY. CAN STILL. MAKE PLAYS. Jaws?"

Ron Jaworski: "Guys, I had a chance to break down the video of Favre's alleged misconduct in the film room this week. From the goal line cam, we can see Favre change the camera settings from sepia to color at the last moment. The defense is slow to adjust out of its base 4-3 defense. Fullback Naufahu Tahi is able to get a chip block on good judgement, giving Favre time to sling some [expletive] at a female employee. By choosing to send the picture as a high resolution image, Favre shows that he's still the gunslinger of old and is not afraid to use data out there. Great execution from the future Hall of Famer."

Keith Olbermann: "SIR HAVE YOU NO SHAME SIR? SIR WHEREFORE ART THOU WHENCEFORTH ERGO MORROW, SIR????"

Glenn Beck: "(uncontrollable sobbing in front of a chalkboard connecting Favre's [expletive], the United Auto Workers, Karl Marx, TARP and Nancy Pelosi)."

Rick Reilly: "Hey guys, remember Kelly Clarkson? I mean, am I right?"

On an unrelated note, Jason Whitlock has been the most consistently hilarious/insightful writer in 2010 and his Favre article was great. Whitlock has been calling Rick Reilly "RiMarcus Reilly" since Reilly signed an enormous contract with ESPN just to write crappy articles which read like mad-libs based on pop-culture from 2005. Rick Reilly probably doesn't abuse codeine though, so the comparison breaks down after a while.

Whatever was left of Favre's image as an aw-shucks, good ol' southern boy was pretty much shattered by his decision to drop his Wranglers and take some pictures. Peter King tweeted that the issue wasn't that Favre was hitting on these women, but that he sent them lewd pictures. I disagree. It would be a slightly different story if the women weren't Jets employees and some consensual gunslinging had occurred. Favre would still be a jerk for cheating on his wife, but at least then he wouldn't have been a creeper. But this is not the case. You can't be harassing people at work, especially since the women already rejected Favre before he persisted and sent the photos. He deserves a suspension assuming the allegations are true.

Final thoughts on the Favre issue: THAT IS A DISGUSTING ACT BY RANDY MOSS!!!

I treaded water in my picks league last week, but my friend Dan is slowly pulling away. He's the leader with a record of 32-30, which is seven games better than me. Home teams in bold. Wish me luck:

Oklahoma City Bills (+1.5) over Jacksonville Jaguars

Love the Bills home fans. Plus, Buffalo was able to keep things close against Miami and New England, and the Jaguars are not as good as either of those teams. The Jets are the league's second best team, so there is no shame in losing to them by three touchdowns. I will take a shot of Polish cherry liqueur out of a bowling ball if the Bills win this game.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers over Cincinnati Bengals (-6.5)

Atlanta Falcons over Cleveland Browns (+3.5)

St. Louis Rams over Detroit Lions (-3.5)

Kansas City Chiefs over Indianapolis Colts (-8.5)

I actually like the Chiefs and Rams this year – two well-coached teams who don't beat themselves. Two weird plays have prevented the Colts from being 4-0 this season: Austin Collie's fumble in the Texans game and the tipped interception in the Jaguars game. Still, I think the Colts only win this one by a field goal.

Washington Redskins (+2.5) over Green Bay Packers

Here are the keys to the game for the Skins according the Darryl Johnston: Limit turnovers, pressure Aaron Rodgers, and make big plays when they are available. Make sure Mike McCarthy doesn't get those before the game Moose – you might blow Shanahan's entire game plan. Let's check in with Tony Siragusa down on the field:

"GUYS I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW LOUD IT IS DOWN HERE!!!"

Carolina Panthers (+2.5) over Chicago Bears

I kind of like how Chicago's football and basketball teams are called the Bulls and Bears, respectively. Respectively, damnit!!! That kind of means "each".

Denver Broncos over Baltimore Ravens (-7.5)

Baltimore has the best pass defense in the league, but they played against the Jets (before Sanchez got good), Bengals (Palmer sucks) and Steelers (love Charlie Batch, but come on). Denver has the best passing offense and should be able to keep this close.

Terrelle Pryor (-3.5) over Denard Robinson

I'm still bummed out over Michigan's loss to Michigan State yesterday. Denard Robinson had an awful game and Ohio State's Pryor is now the favorite to win the Heisman. Two new reasons to hate Ohio State more than I already did: More family ties to Michigan as of September 2010 and LeBron James won't stop tweeting about how awesome his Buckeyes are.

New York Giants over Houston Texans (-3.5)

Arizona Cardinals (+7.5) over New Orleans Saints

San Diego Chargers over Oakland Raiders (+6.5)

San Francisco 49ers (-3.5) over Philadelphia Eagles

Dallas Cowboys (-6.5) over Tennessee Titans

Need to align my gambling and rooting interests. Hopefully Dallas wins and the Eagles lose.

New York Jets (-4.5) over Minnesota Vikings

As I wrote last week, I am a huge Randy Moss supporter. He's the most thoughtful and interesting player in the league. Why? Because when every player gives some boring variant on "We just gotta execute out there", Moss says what he thinks. I hope he goes into broadcasting when he retires – he could easily be the Charles Barkley of the NFL. I want Moss to put up 20 touchdowns over the next 13 games and the Patriots' offense to crash. Wes Welker is a great slot receiver…but then, Todd Bouman was a great quarterback when he got to play with Randy Moss.

Last Week: 7-7
Season: 25-37.